Monday, June 13, 2005

Am I forgetting...

what's important?

When I first started looking around for Hodgkin's websites and the like, I found one message board. I was so excited...until I started reading. I was annoyed by the people because they were content to complain, and about the wrong things! There was this extensive discussion about weight gain and how depressed all of these people were that they couldn't lose the weight they had gained while on chemo. So here I am, sick, alone, up in the wee hours reading people complain about something as silly as weight gain! Weren't they happy to be cured? Weren't they relishing the good feelings, good health and ENERGY they got after finishing chemo? Didn't they remember?!?!? I was so irritated and angry.

Forward to today, many months after I first came across the offensive cyber discussion. Since then, I have gained nearly 20 pounds from my friend Prednisone. My husband and I are going to California for 3 weeks at the beginning of July, and I am obsessed with the idea that I haven't weighed this much since college. I am so frustrated because I have been working out diligently. I also feel badly about my hair. I was soooooooooooo lucky not to go completely bald, but I still feel depressed when I see all of this short hair going every which way in the mirror. I will have to cut it before we go to California even though all I want it to do is grow, grow, grow!

I can't believe I am upset about such vain, stupid things. Have I learned nothing? Maybe this is a sign I'm "forgetting" about chemo? I have to get over it. I am in remission. I am feeling stronger every day. I got the best health care in the world. What the fuck is my problem?

Get over it!!!! Bad, sniveling me!!!!!!!!!!

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